The Kindness Zone

As for happiness, much evidence is emerging that any positive action benefits our biochemistry and hence our well-being. To some extent, this is an important byproduct.

What is of much more significance is how our actions bounce back on us. Any kindness we perform will get reflected back to us, but magnified. This does not mean that we should be kind to others for a selfish, ulterior reason. Any such karmic subterfuge will only trip us up unexpectedly down the line.

Adopting a kindness strategy is much more fundamental than performing the odd kindness in the hope people might think nicely of you.

Taking a more holistic approach to kindness has more far reaching implications for our lives. 

For starters, when we perform acts of kindness, any reflected kindness does not necessarily come back directly from the person or people you have been kind to. More often, it comes from someone who may have absolutely no connection with any party involved with the initial act of kindness. Note that there is no angelic ‘bookkeeper’ recording all our good and bad deeds in some sort of cosmic ledger.

The ‘payback’ may come at the most unexpected time too, sometimes years after the event. It might even happen before the event occurs, such is the magical nature of the kindness effect. Experientially, it appears that kindnesses multiply. One act of kindness will generate many more in return. So we need to take a step back and a step up in developing and executing any strategy.

Ask yourself a simple question.

Do you want to live in a cruel or a kind world?

Also ask yourself if you tend to wait for others to take action before you follow their lead. Surely something as fundamental as making kindness a central tenet for our society should be adopted at a governmental level. It would save the taxpayer billions after all in so many areas.

Well, this would be great but it takes years to change a single law, not months and certainly not days. We can all instigate our individual kindness strategy today and start reaping benefits by tomorrow. Kindness multiplies and is beautifully infectious. The quicker you perform a kindness, the quicker it bounces back at you. At the same time, the people you are kind to will then be kinder to other people they meet. Your kindness has a massive ripple effect which is where the amplification comes from. 

As you go about your days, open doors for people, let other drivers out from side roads in traffic, or just smile. Everyone you do this to will repeat that act to at least one other person. Just imagine this spreading throughout drivers in the rush hour. Traffic jams might even reduce if everyone cuts a bit of slack to others.

This leads to another perhaps counterintuitive phenomenon. We can also be kind to ourselves. So long as that kindness is not at the expense of others, a little self-indulgence also works a treat.

Let’s say you’re reading this article and can’t wait to get out in the world to kick off your kindness initiative. So get to the end of this short chapter and go and give yourself a treat.

You should then follow this with the other magic trick that should be done every time a kindness is bestowed on you and that’s to say “Thank you”. Sometimes too, kindness will arrive at your door serendipitously. This means you won’t readily be able to identify its source. When this happens, that silent and internal “Thank you” works a treat.

Read more: Annemaree Rowley reflects on the Yogic philosophy of Ahimsa and shares guidance how to be kind every day.

The sub-zones of kindness give us further illumination into the magical nature of a simple act of kindness.

Random

Performing at least one act of kindness a day is all that’s needed for this whole strategy to work. As they can be as short as smiling at that stranger or holding that door open; there is no need to give up your day job.

What works best though is if you do them randomly. So be kind at different times of the day to different people. Also flip into the Creative Zone and be inventive about the kindnesses you bestow. What of course happens then is that the kindnesses that come back to you will exceed your wildest dreams.

Measured

Being kind does not mean giving all your hard earned cash away. The best kindnesses are those that cost you absolutely nothing more than a little of your time, but that have a huge impact for others.

When new contacts come in from social networks, I randomly ask some of them what I can do for them that will take me no more than a minute, but that will really make their week. Some come back with the most trivial requests which take no effort at all on my part. Some have answered saying just to have had the offer has made their week already. Then no further action on my part is even needed. Many also ask my permission to use that strategy on others. This is the kindness multiplier in operation.

Directed

Rather than spreading your kindness to all and sundry, both the kindness and the multiplier increase in intensity when we focus the kindness. So this isn’t about making faceless donations to charity.

This brings up another crucial point. The intention we hold when we perform the kindness should not be about what might bounce back for us. The intention of our kindness must be directed and channelled outwards.

Silent

When we take on board the connection between kindness and intent, it’s clear that nobody needs to be aware that we have been kind to them for the rebound effect to take place. So we can perform kindnesses without declaring to the world how wonderful we’ve been. We can even just go about our days in a kind manner, thinking kind thoughts and oozing kindness silently through our pores.

Unconsciously people will then sense an aura of kindness around you. You will look like a kind person and people will instantly place their trust in you. Uncannily, this kind of trust even leaks out from seemingly inanimate entities like web pages. People who visit your website, or read a blog, just sense innately your level of kindness and compassion. This holds true even if the page they are looking at has nothing to do with kindness. If you are involved with marketing or sales, kindness should therefore be a central, and ideally silent, component of your strategy.

Discriminate

Kindness starts within. The ideal position for us to assume is just to be naturally kind and for it to become part of our intrinsic nature. This makes it become effortless. To help get to this blissful state, when starting out with our kindness strategy, it pays to be discriminate. 

Some people might think it’s a bit weird, or that you are somewhat crazy, if you are unconditionally kind to them. When this happens it weakens your kindness field and can even take you backwards into a Danger Zone. Remember that just one kindness a day is all that’s needed, so take baby steps at first.

Reflected

If we are naturally giving in nature, when kindness comes back our way, we may at first reject or refuse it. This is of course linked to any time spent in the Guilt Zone. Perhaps we feel we’re not worthy or someone else should benefit from any reflected kindness.

This is a fundamental error and has the effect of breaking the chain and nullifying your initial kindness in the first place. So when someone is kind to you, give thanks and accept it gracefully. The kindness flow is then maintained and further amplified.

This is an excerpt of Tom Evan’s e-book “The Zone” and was published here with his permission. Listen to the audio version below: